Covenant
July 12, 2015 | Patrick Preheim, Duff Warkentin & Joan Stephens, Bob & Margaret Neufeldt
Oh God of covenant. Thank you for the covenant you made with your people Israel. Thank you for extending that covenant to us through Jesus Christ. And blessed be you, oh Lord, that you keep covenant with us even when we break covenant. Amen.
The covenant Patty and I have is solid. As is the case every year about this time, however, the covenant between us was mildly strained. The Saskatoons are ripe. The sour cherries are ready to be picked and pitted. The raspberries are turning red. The chard, kale, and beet tops needed to be cropped and blanched. The pea pods have swelled. The compulsion to fill just another pail gets its way. I acquiesce to yet another well meaning invitation to glean their fruit bearing plantations. The thought of unpicked berries drives me on. My obsessive tendency is often portrayed as noble (eating local, free food, winter provisions, etc..,.). In the end, though, I am greedy plain and simple. I am a berry and cherry glutton. At one point this week Patty exclaimed, “I do not approve”. And while I miss not seeing Patty more during this time of the summer, I am a largely unrepentant sinner. If I lived this way 50 weeks of the year my marriage would be less than solid. Fortunately for me, Patty is nearly as forgiving as the image of God we have in Hosea. And fortunate for us I do head the prophetic edge to her proclamations.
The marriage of Hosea and Gomer constitutes the first three chapters of the book. Marriage is front and centre. “The prophet’s personal life is an incarnation of God’s redeeming love” (Book note for Hosea in RSV New Oxford Annotated Bible). Hosea’s marriage is shambles, but he will not let Gomer go. The point is, we learn in chapters 4-14, that the people have broken the covenant and God still will not dissolve the relationship. They cared not for the Lord permitting worship of additional gods and yet Yahweh would not let them go (4.13). They cared not for their fellow Israelite sanctifying exploitation and yet Yahweh would not let them go. Yes, there are dire consequences for this tragic situation. Yahweh, though, will not allow human wrongdoing end the covenant. God remains faithful in the face of faithlessness. The covenants we break are not the end of the story. There is life and good life beyond Yes, there is suffering and God works from there toward a better future.
The marriage metaphor is central to the book of Hosea, so I have asked two households to reflect on their experiences with the marriage covenant. In church we do not often speak about the pain found in many marriages or the pain of divorce. Nor do we often speak about the grace many have found in new marriages. If Hosea’s marriage life is an incarnation of God’s redeeming love, could the same be true today? Can couples be reconciled, or in the case of divorce find happiness in a second marriage beyond the brokenness of the first? Yes, I would say. With this background I asked Duff / Joan as well as Bob / Margaret to share for approximately five minutes each. It seemed only appropriate to the book of Hosea for us to proceed in this fashion.
Reflections by Duff Warkentin
Our men’s quartet sings a song in which the lyrics say, in part, “If you want to be happy and live a king’s life, never make a pretty woman your wife . . . So, from a logical point of view, marry a woman uglier than you!” I have obviously not followed that advice – both my first wife and my present wife are much prettier than I am! I don’t think, however, that that was the reason for the failure of my marriage.
Rev. Verner Friesen officiated at my first marriage, and I still well remember what he said. In fine preacher’s form, he outlined three points, or observations, about the wedding celebration that day. First, we celebrate with family and friends. The wedding takes place in the context of community. Second, we celebrate in the context of worship. There is singing, prayer, scripture, meditation. Third, at the heart of the wedding is the covenant that was to be made. Rev. Friesen made reference to the covenant that God made with Israel, and drew parallels between the two covenants. It was to be an everlasting covenant. It was to be an exclusive covenant. And it was a covenant based on unconditional love. Wise words from a wise man.
We entered into our marriage with the best of intentions. We had support from family, friends, and church communities. Without going into details, in spite of all of this, our marriage failed. I was devastated. This doesn't happen to me, to us. But it did, and it does. I was sad, confused, angry, despairing, ashamed. I didn't know what to do - I had never been through this before. Family and friends tried to support in whatever way they could, but I felt very alone. At the time, we were members of the Mennonite Fellowship of Rosthern, a small congregation, and the people there were supportive of both myself and Heather. I was working part-time for MFR as the church coordinator, and I offered to resign, but the church would not accept my resignation. I believed then, and I still believe, that divorce is wrong. No one enters into a marriage with the intention to divorce. We had made a covenant, and we had not lived up to that covenant. We failed. We did wrong.
Divorce is wrong, but it happens, and it is not unforgiveable. I believed then, and I still believe, that God forgives me. I asked my congregation for forgiveness, and I received it. The hardest thing for me was to forgive myself.
My separation happened twenty years ago. Much has happened since then. We have two wonderful sons who have grown into fine young men, and I am immensely grateful for them. I have continued my involvement with choral music, and have found much joy in that. I met and married Joan Stephens, and enjoy love, friendship, and companionship. I am no theologian, so I won't try to define "grace", but I see my marriage to Joan as an act of grace. It is a gift, it is not deserved, it is life-giving, and I am more grateful than I can say. In preparation for this reflection, I read the book of Hosea for the first time, and reflected on covenant. Israel broke the covenant with God, and experienced brokenness, but there was restoration, there was hope, there was new life. I have broken covenant too, and I have experienced brokenness, but I have also experienced forgiveness, hope, and new life. Thanks be to God!
Reflections by Joan Stephens
I am glad that Duff can share our experiences. One of the lessons I gained from my divorce and the devastating pain, is that everyone's life is different, and it is such a relief when people offer their support without judgement. In my pain, I often felt furious with others who chose divorce when there didn't appear to be 'real' problems, as I so wanted to have an intact and secure family. I have been able to move from my own judgmental attitude.
I was terrified to let go of my hope for my marriage, as I gradually came to accept that I must give up. I held on to my belief that God loved me, and was weeping with me, and gently reminding me to trust Him. I needed to keep focused on that, as I felt very lost. How would I be able to provide a stable calm home for my children? I have never felt the shame Duff describes, except for my sadness about my children not having the security of two parents providing steady love and guidance. I found the song Shout to the Lord very soothing and strengthening, and to this day become emotional when I hear it, as it seemed to be my anthem when I felt particularly weak. The simplicity of the words depicting the strength of God and nature are very symbolic for me.
Although I felt overwhelmed, I was able to recognize that I am my most focused on Love/God when I am struggling, so I have seen my lonely frightened times as forging me to become more grateful and compassionate. I could recognize that I had so much: people who loved me, a place to call home even when I didn't know where my house would be - I had roots. I had an education and opportunities and so, so much. I am forever in awe of the true survivors in our community who have suffered and struggle and maintain their resilience.
I know God as Love. He does not wave his wand and "Bless the faithful and punish the unworthy." I have never felt abandoned or chastised by God. I believe that divorce is part of our human frailty - divorce can be 'right'. Unconditional love is hard, and I am so grateful I trust God/Love, and that I have Duff who is my human Rock and life partner, and so many others who love me, warts and all. I can keep looking to God, and my marriage, to share support and nonjudgmental love to others.
Bob / Margaret (no electronic version)
Thank you for sharing. It is significant to hear these personalized experiences that broken covenant is not the end of the story. It is also important, I think, to not lose the systemic and social dimensions of covenant to which Hosea alludes. After all, the breakdown of God’s covenant with Israel had much to do with the social inequalities fueled by idolatrous theology. I thought about the link between self serving theology and social inequality as I have taken in parts of Pope Francis’ recently released encyclical Laudato Si'. Reading from the July 8 editorial of the National Catholic Reporter:
Laudato Si' confronts First World business ethics and its fundamental presumptions about the right to resources and cheap labor and its foundational belief that profits remain the primary, and sometimes the sole, criterion for success. It challenges the current state of our politics in the United States and the ascendancy of the extreme individualism that underpins some of the most active political forces on the left and the right. The phrase "common good," largely scrubbed from U.S. political discourse in recent decades, appears 31 times in the English translation of the text.
Just as Rerum Novarum, on the eve of the 20th century, ushered in a new era of social teaching, Laudato Si' seeks for the 21st century nothing less than a huge change in the social order, and it asks the Catholic community to lead the way. It is a ringing call for justice that lands, unsettling as it is, on the doorstep of the rich global North. There is no avoiding it. It's here for the long haul (http://ncronline.org/blogs/eco-catholic/editorial-encyclical-pope-francis-issues-challenge-rich).
Are the goods of the earth meant for everyone? Must we, the wealthy of the world, abdicate pursuit of short term profits at the expense of the poor? Does our theology shape our economic business plan or vice versa?
Unbridled greed has consequences. This is true be it in the berry patch or in the economic order. Hopefully a vibrant theology can help us recalibrate before we are led off in exile by the Assyrians. And truth be told we sometimes will not heed the faith filled council of the “saints, prophets and witnesses of our time” (phrasing taken from the extended title of Robert Ellsberg’s book All Saints). Whatever our decisions, God awaits us in the future to keep working at the covenant made with us and our world. A covenant our God refuses to break. And for that we can give thanks.
